Survival Relationships

When the people involved in the relationship realize that they cannot survive in it on their own, then the relationship becomes a survival relationship. The choice of partner is out of emotions and there is no match in personalities of the two. It involves both a physical and emotional relationship and the fulfilling of the basic requirements of a married life. These people are unlikely to share common interests and qualities because of which there is not much that holds together this relationship. Each person tries to provide the other person which the things he or she does not have which makes the relationship a desperate, clinging one. Sometimes the relation can also become hostile and abusive. In these relationships, the partners often abuse each other physically. The people involved become overwhelmed at any sign of affection and caring because of which they are not sure how to receive it. The partners are desperate to just have the other person around them even if they have to fight.

 However, this kind of connection gives a much better feeling than being institutionalized. Because both the partners are scared to be alone, they desperately try to find a replacement the moment they get out of one relationship. This relationship turns out to be a co dependent one.

Read More

Pastime Relationships

The pastime relationships are generally meant for fun and recreation. There are hardly any expectations although some people allow themselves to attach hope with these relationships. Summer romance is a good example of this kind of relationship. The pastime relationship is not a long term relationship and the circumstances create an even low probability of the relationship being an enduring one. Only expectations with this relationship are those of passion, tenderness and delight.

Read More

Avoidance Relationships

 In avoidance relationships, the people involved try to protect themselves from falling in deep intimate relationships with the other person and do not want to share their entire feelings with them. This relationship also includes those people who have just come out of a relationship and have not gotten over the painful feelings of failure and loss of splitting. The people whose life is overshadowed with traumatic events like death of a near relative, partner or a close friend are also a part of the group of people belonging to this category. They fear that if they get very close to the new person, the painful experience will surface again. The people specially choose those partners with whom they do not have to share the deeper feelings and emotions which they want to avoid.

 Another important feature of this relationship is that the partner may be someone who does not fit into the person’s remaining life. The partner will not have the same importance and compassion as the previous partner did. In such cases, more emphasis may be given to sex as a means of controlling the painful emotions. The beginnings and endings of these relationships are often immediate. There is a low chance of self disclosure and a high amount of mistrust.

Read More

Experimental Relationships

  These relationships are just for trying out. In this relationship, a person who chooses his partners emotionally is made to choose partners who are extremely different than what he prefers. The motive of these experimental relationships is to find out the ways in which another person can be related to this person and what the relationship will become if this happens. These kinds of relationships help us in discovering new ways of interacting with each other, in ways we thought were not possible for us. It also helps in discovering those parts of one’s personality that are unknown to him and then nurturing them in order to develop them and grow. These relationships can be compared to dating which possess the quality of exploration and experimentation. The people involved in this relationship have an uncanny knack of striking a connection which clicks for the both of them and may even evolve further into a more dominant one. This type of relationship usually influences the choices of the person which help him in founding a suitable partner in the next relationship.

Read More

Transitional Relationships

 In the transitional relationships, there is a cross between the new and the old, between the patterns that people were trying to change. This helps them in handling old conflicts and issues in a better way without causing any harm to the older relationship. The people involved in this relationship can also try to find out improved ways of relating to each other and developing their characters. It is a good way of practicing for a long term relationship which is much healthier than the older one, and can sometimes even evolve into a new relationship.

 In case one of the members in the relationship gets deeply attached to the patterns of the older relationship or falls back into the same habits which led to the failure of the previous relationship, then the transitional relationship faces problems. Sometimes it even turns out to be like the relationship which led to this new relationship. This is called a transference relationship which is described later on. When the people involved in the transitional relationship have achieved their aims and worked out their problems, they can end it in a more efficient and caring manner.

Read More

Healing Relationships

 These relationships depict a period of stress, mourning, loss and struggle. The people in this relationship tend to feel fearful, dejected and wounded from inside. They do not have to be present at the same time and the same place for their mutual growth and development and quite rightly, they are not. They badly long for love and care from their partners and at the same time, they should retrospect their relation and assess themselves. These people are generally completely mismatched and do not share much in common. Their lack of fit includes their age difference which can be up to twenty years as well. These differences also involve the intelligence levels like I.Q., where a brilliant surgeon paired up with a ski instructor who is not very intelligent. The differences can also involve sexual behaviors and experiences or traumatic events in one’s past etc.

  In these kinds of relationships, physical and emotional distance from each other can prove to a healing remedy. A person who gets divorced after fifteen years of marriage marries a person whose spouse had died prematurely. At that particular time, these two people needed each other very badly and wanted to be together, opposed to the contradicting views of their family and friends. Both these people got along well because they needed to be away from their traumas and also wanted each other’s comfort. Couples in the healing relationships want to talk about their previous experiences and about the difficult times they had to face along with struggles and losses. They try to repeat these events and relive the different levels when they try to understand each other and develop a sense of compassion. Instead of passion, support, kindness and gentleness are the healing weapons in this relationship. People involved in this relationship go for plenty of trips for recreation purposes and indulge with each other. It can be said that these relationships are more play oriented rather than being work oriented. Even if this relationship comes to an abrupt end, the ending is not painful and traumatic but supportive. It is possible for people to have two or even three healing relationships at the same time. In this case, one person is going through a healing stage where as the other is going through a transitioning stage.

Read More

Types Of Relationships

  Every person in this world has some relationships with the people whom he or she interacts with. These relationships are of different types. Almost everyone has at least a rough idea in mind as to how a relationship needs to be. We wish for happy and good relationships with everyone but it is not possible. We spend a great deal of our times pondering over the meanings of our relationships, trying to compare them with relationships of other people only to find out how our relationship should be like. More often than not, we decide that our relationship is not as good as the one we compare it with. Among couples, the one who does not get divorced might be seen as a successful relationship. But in reality, couples who enjoy a healthy and happy relationship are just a handful in number. People can have many kinds of relationships with others and one relationship has to go through a number of stages itself. That is why a given relationship may be healthy at one point of time but become sour at another stage. Some relationships we cannot choose, they are with us for our entire life. But there are some which depend on our choice. These relationships are of love and friendship. We tend to choose partners who are most likely to aid us in achieving our present and future needs, desires and expectations, and also help us in growing and working through our issues. By realizing this important aspect of a relationship, a couple can live a much healthier relationship by discovering new ways of living with each other.

 At one time or the other, we must have come across couples who were completely mismatched and the most dissimilar in nature, but have learn how to live with each other and enjoy the moments spent together. Relationships are all about understanding. Yet there are some couples which indulge in mutual punishment and it is hard to imagine how they can survive with each other. Some of these couples might appear to be the perfect match for each other but end up divorced because of lack of commitment and understanding. We can make our relationships more supportive and nourishing by deepening and sharpening our understanding of the things that we do and the way we do them in a relationship. It also makes it less painful and toxic which increases the chances of the relationship becoming healthy. We will also be able to judge the extent of achievement in our relationship. A sharper and clearer picture of our existing relationships will help us in fulfilling our own needs as well as the others’ needs in a much better way.



 We have described types of relationships in this article which are grouped equally into Collateral and Dominant categories. This type of grouping is essential in determining the patterns of different relationships which into which people enter and it is also useful in describing their behavior from inside. These categorizations or groupings helped people like students, workers and clients in understanding their relationships clearly. Many of them can relate these categories to themselves because they experience whatever it describes. These categories try to collect all the important elements o every relationship with the minimum amount of judgment. Using this technique, people can find out where they are going wrong and how to pull things back.

   Types of relationships :

Collateral

• - Healing Relationships
• - Transitional Relationships
• - Experimental Relationships
• - Avoidance Relationships
• - Pastime Relationships

Dominant

• - Survival Relationships
• - Validation Relationship
• - Scripted Relationships
• - Acceptance Relationship
• - Individual Assertion Relationship
• - Transference Relationships
• - Mature Relationships
• - Romantic Relationship

• - Friendship
• - Siblings
• - Parents

Read More

How To Attract Men

  Attracting men takes a little more effort than you would think. If you think you’re God’s gift to men and that you’re going to have to beat them away with a stick, you’re wrong.

 All that is going to get you is a short term romance based on lust not love or worse, a one night stand. If you’re looking for something more than that, maybe we could shed a little light on the best way to end up with a blissful relationship.

 Contrary to what people think is the stereotype; men want more than just physical beauty, they need substance also. Sure sometimes looks attract a man, but not for keeps.

A few tips are:

•         Be comfortable with who you are. Everybody has faults, strive to be the best you can. Be confident in yourself and it will be your most attractive feature.
•         Smile. While it may not help you keep a man it will show that you are content and approachable.
•         While this may sound sexist, learn to cook. If you’re looking for a long blissful relationship, your man will want to eat. While eating out every night sounds fancy, it gets old real fast. Men still like women who are able to cook, I think it’s a mothers cooking thing.
•         Don’t act like the damsel in distress. Be a little self-reliant. In the long run men want a partner they can count on not someone they have to babysit.
•         Flirting. You may have flirted a little to get his attention. Well, don’t stop! Continue to show that you are interested. Flirting can keep that spark alive and keep that relationship vibrant for a long time.

  This next piece of advice may sound old-fashioned but it’s still true. If you’re looking for a long term relationship, look for someone that you are compatible with, someone who is close to the same social status as you are. While it may sound romantic to marry the rich young doctor, unless you are close to the same educational and social status, the strain of the differences might eventually wear the relationship out. That kind of romance is best saved for novels.

 Another piece of advice, which ties into the last paragraph is, be yourself. As in tip #1, be comfortable with who you are. Don’t try to pretend you are someone you’re not. Men will see through that fairly soon and will move on. If you’re confident with who you are men will see that and in turn they will feel more at ease and open up.
 Learning how to attract men and end up with a better chance at a long and blissful relationship is not that hard. Think about what kind of person you really are, be the best you can and look for someone that can be happy with who you are.

Read More

Solutions To Common Marital Problems

  From my research and observation, most marital problems occur in relationships that are built on unrealistic expectations. Playing the blaming game and taking each other for granted are also big factors in causing marital breakdowns.

  Remember the times when you were courting each other? How fascinated you were with your beloved on that first date? How your heart skipped a beat when our beloved is near. How elated you felt when you first held each other’s hands. And the sparkle in your eyes when he asked you out again. How often you waited for the phone to ring hoping it was him?

  There is no doubt that there is enormous excitement during the courtship period. Then one day, you got married. And the romance died...
Does romance always end with marriage?
Of course not! In fact, romance should start with marriage. According to Zig Ziglar, one of the most sought after motivational speakers, he explained it this way...

  It all boils down to our “marriage attitude.” He says, "Any marriage tends towards breakdown or will disintegrate unless we put in time, energy and effort into sustaining it. Also, marital problems are so prevalent because we commit a series of actions that kill the joy and love we once enjoyed."

  If we think about it, what he said hits the nail on its head! So no matter how good the marriage is, we will have marital problems if we do not consciously make an effort to make it better or if we have bad habits.

How To Save The Marriage?

  If we recognize that we have a problem and want to save our relationships, we can start over by adopting a positive marriage attitude. As Ziglar explained, "Marriage is not a fence to hem you in; its a guardrail to protect what is inside." Its like when we went to climb Mount Kinabalu in East Malaysia. There were beautiful scenic views at very high and rocky areas in the mountain. And because it is very dangerous at the edge of these areas, guardrails were built to protect us from falling off.

Isn’t it very much like marriage? 

It is designed not to place restrictions on us but to safe guard us.

According to Dr George Crane, the psychologist and physician - no matter how good or bad our relationships are, we sometimes have to...
‘Restart’ at the beginning
If you have fallen out of love with your partner, go back and court like you did when you first fell in love.

And...you will most likely fall in love.

So lets start digging into...
How we can ‘restart’ and overcome our marital problems

-Respect your partner
-Become each other’s best friend
-Take time to plan more activities with your partner
-Make the commitment to work on the relationship
-Always help each other

At the end of the day, what we women want from our husbands as Dr. Richard Furman puts it...

Is somebody who listens, is understanding, is confident in himself, has security in his job, is dependable, is an achiever, is aggressive but with humility and is trying to make the marriage better.

I wish to end by sharing a story about Sir Edmund Hillary, the first man in history to reach Mount Everest and his mountain guide, Tenzing.Tenzing managed to save Sir Edmund’s life by holding on tight to the rope that held both of them, from falling to their deaths. When interviewed later, Tenzing refused any special credit but explained it eloquently...

“Mountain climbers always help each other.”

Wouldn’t it be fantastic if we adopt this philosophy for our relationships? The world would have less marital problems!

Read More

6 Sensible Relationship Advice To Make Love On Distance Work

   Here are 6 sensible advice on how to make love on distance work. Love, people fall in and out of love every day. As we all know love is a complicated adventure. As if the notion of love is not hard enough, we have to make it even more difficult by engaging in a long distance relationship.


  Long distance love requires a little extra consideration in some areas. Today with the explosion of online romances it pays to use a little common sense. Let’s explore some of those areas and see if we can shed some light on long distance love.

• Take your time. In these stressful times many people are desperate for companionship and tend to jump into an online relationship too quickly. Take your time and get to know that person. Long distance love, even more than a local relationship requires patience. Don’t throw yourself in too quick and risk being hurt. If it’s meant to be a little extra time will not hurt. In fact it can only make the relationship deeper.

• Don’t pretend to be more than you really are.  Be honest. I know it’s human nature to want to appear desirable to the other sex but, lying is not the way. If you intend to have a real, lasting and meaningful relationship with this person, someday you will meet. You want the other person to be honest with you, right?

• Keep your jealousy and suspicions in check. It’s easy to start to wonder what the other person is doing when you can’t see them. But remember, they have a life, friends and responsibility just like you. Just because you don’t know exactly where they are and with who, doesn’t mean they are doing something wrong any more than you are.

• Don’t read more into things than is there. If given the chance the other person will most likely explain things if you don’t accuse them immediately. Chill out and wait before you make a fool of yourself.

•   Block time out to actually talk to each other, especially in a long distance relationship, not just emails or texts. Just as if the other was just down the street work out a schedule to talk with them over the phone and not be interrupted or busy with other things. That will make them feel like they’re not that important, second choice. Texts or email are great as little “love notes” but, it’s not a substitute for a human voice with all the emotions it can hold.

• Have fun. Don’t be too serious all the time; you can doom this long distance relationship before it even has a chance. Remember the other person is basing their feelings for you what they’re hearing on the phone. If you sound depressed or are full of problems every time you talk, your love one is not going to look forward to your calls for very long.

Read More

Tips To Find Lasting Relationship With The Right Partner

  Every year thousands of couples make the choice to get married. At the same time, thousands of other couples make the choice to get divorced. When it comes to love and relationships, is it really possible to find one special person to spend the rest of your life with.

Read More

15 Great Date Ideas To Impress And Excite Your Loved One

  Our reader shared this useful article with us. It contains useful hints which can help you to improve your relationships and cheer up your partner.

  Inspiring great date ideas. It was at a wedding dinner. A friend of the newly wed shared with the audience dating ideas to help keep the romance going even after the glow has long faded.

  Of course I took as many notes as I can, hoping that it would also inspire my husband of 25 years to take action to keep the candle burning. But before I share the ideas here, there are questions to ponder upon before diving into action.
• What is the personality type of your partner?
• Is he/she outgoing or more of an introvert?
• What activity does he/she like to do, shop or chill out in the park or immerse himself in the beauty of the paintings in the muzuem?
• Does he/she like the sun of afraid of getting sun-burnt?
• Does he/she like activities full of adrenaline flow or something calmer?
Answering the above questions might save you lots of unnecessary conflicts and misunderstanding. It also shows that you have put much thoughts into making the date a great one. Which in itself is pretty impressive.

  Here are the 15 activities that I personally adore:
• Play table-tennis, or badminton, golf or whatever games that both of you enjoy.
• Learn to dance together.
• Go on short holiday trips.
• Take a walk in the park or garden.
• Picnic by the beach or go for a swim.
Visit Guilin in China, full of beautiful untouched landscape springing with surprises at every location. - beautiful parks, hills, caves.
• Go to the spa and relax.
• Take language classes and learn how to sing romantic praises to him.
• Go shopping and pick up a romantic item for each other.
• Cook together and impress with your culinary skills.
• Watch a movie and have dinner thereafter.
• Take pictures of your beloved in the park, in the garden, in the shopping mall. Wherever that you both enjoy hanging out.
• Visit the muzuem.
• Play indoor games like monopoly, charade, pictionary.
• Have coffee at a relaxing restaurant or alfresco style where you just watch people go by.
• Take a bicycle ride around your neighborhood and just enjoy the moment.

There you go.

Read More

How To Act Like Lady, Think Like Man

  There are several ways to go with this subject. Exactly what does act like a lady mean? By whose standard are we measuring what being a lady means? What you may think is acting like a lady is totally different from my experience. The same can be said for “think like a man”. By whose standard are we measuring that?
If we take the historical view of society, to act like a lady means; to be submissive, emotionally, polite, nurturing and attractive. To think like a man means; to be head of household, a leader, provider, logical and dependable.

 Well, let’s explore a few ways you can act like a lady and think like a man:

Tip 1:
 Don’t beat around the bush. When most men have something to say they just blurt it out and usually without thinking of the consequences. Well if you want to think like a man but act like a lady you should develop this skill but with a twist, say what you mean without a lot of drama but use your lady like politeness when you do it.

Tip 2:
 Don’t be afraid to take charge. It is commonly expected for men to take charge of a situation and for women to take a backseat role. Don’t be afraid to take the lead. You may feel unsure of yourself but guess what? Most men are unsure and that never stopped them!

Tip 3: 
 Be logical. It is commonly assumed that men make logical decisions while women make decisions based on emotions. Well there is nothing wrong with a blend of both. Make decisions based on what you know is the right answer but temper that with just a touch of lady like emotion.

Tip 4:
 Don’t worry. Men tend to not spend a lot of time worrying about the details; they just like to take action. So if you want to think like a man, don’t worry, just get moving and get it done.

Tip 5:
 Don’t be afraid of conflict. Women get stereotyped as being afraid of workplace conflicts while men take the view, It’s just business. Don’t be afraid to stand your ground, it’s not personal; it’s just part of getting the job done.

Tip 6:
 Don’t over think your wardrobe. Men don’t spend a lot of time and worry over their looks. Yes, men want to look good, but it’s not something they fret over. Men don’t dress for work to attract someone; they dress for authority and to get the job done.

Tip 7:
 Sex. Society tends to expect men to be the aggressor concerning sex. Why? What you have is just as important as what he has. Don’t be afraid to go for what you want, don’t wait to be chosen. Do the choosing instead.

Tip 8:
 Be steady. This, in a man’s world means being someone whose attitude and ethics are a known commodity. Be a person whom others don’t have to wonder how you will react.

Tip 9:
 Goals. Most men go into the working world with a goal in mind to rise to the top. Sadly, much of society has relegated women to a support role. Don’t accept that! Make goals!

Tip 10:
 Be better. Don’t just think like a man and act like a lady, be better than that. Take the good points from both sides; add a female twist and come up with a course of action better than “How to act like a lady and think like a man”.

Read More